2150:13.9.06 shitty hotel bar, holiday inn at thistle
leaving tomorrow. there's a huge hole in my heart. it gets harder to leave each time. extremely depressed, and the hotel bar isn't helping at all. it's making things worse. becky was right. i don't want to leave. i have to be awake in 6 hours, but i don't want to be. i want to ride the european rail system for the rest of my life. i want to see edna and alec again. i heard lots of good stories about dad today.

readjustment will have to take place.
why was there a shooting at a canadian college?
this hotel bar is terrible. it's sterile. it's horrible. and the service blows.
how am i supposed to get to sleep tonight?

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11.9.06:1303 cafe stevens, der waag
hasn't changed one bit. i miss becky terribly. the 'mozarella'...damn good sandwich.

1425: dan murphy's
went to de sluyswacht before. the beer was better than march '05. it's getting very very lonely.

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0005: sitting on the amsterdam night train at hoek van holland.
the quiet is killing me. stuffy. they have just turned on the train. no they didn't. i need a shower like i have never before. i miss becky very much.

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stena line: stena discovery harwich -> hoek van holland
'the 10ccs' play on a very large screen in the lounge area of the ship (dreadlock holiday?)
the stena discovery shakes below. rather unnerving. i have no idea how i'll get by on €40 for two days. we are at full speed now, heading towards hoek across the north sea.the ship lists and rocks.

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remember
* old man begging at an ATM in seaford. what's the point? people don't get change out of them.
* clydesdale foal outside of diss.
* lots of sleeping cows with their heads together.

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9.9.06:1732 on a onerail between ipswich and norwich. a bunch of soccer men & boys just got on at ipswich. footballers. half got off at the next stop. a few of the boys are playing between the cars out the windows.

i'm on beer #2. be careful boys. this is how decapitation happens! beer #2. you can't drink beer on american commuter trains. i'm on my wya to see my friend toby. bringing a bottle of shiraz. the soccer boys. "little terrors, they are!" as dad would say if he were here. there are a group of male soccer adults by the bar on the train. i wanted to tell them there's more to life than soccer. there's noise art too.

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Premiere Travel Inn, 8/9/2006, 0050 at the hotel bar.

"but what if she's shagging another woman, mate?"
"well, if I'm there, then i'll have a good wank."
"Yeah, that's the difference, mate; if you're there."

pregnant women are coming into the bar. welcome pregnant slags!

i'm trying to feel like it's 1255am....0055

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