no, it's just the coldness of significant lonliness - i dreamt this line a few weeks ago.

i'm awake now because of a dream that i had, about jessie. i was getting out of a club with a few drunk friends, and we were going to a restaurant to eat. i got there and went to the bathroom, which had a shower stall in it. i ran into jessie in the bathroom, and i asked if we could start being friends again. she said no, and so i was like, well since this is the last time we ever talk again, i had a few things to say to her. i don't remember what exactly that was, or what it would have been, but i was like, so yeah, sit and listen. we actually had a nice talk, talking about how you need to take things slow, casual dating is better than what we did, and the like. i told her about becky, and that we were moving in together. after a few minutes she moved into the shower, and i was going on about something. i said, '...you know?' and got no reply, so i openedd the shower stall, and she was gone. i guess there's a few ways to interpret this dream. was i making peace with myself? telling myself that she's gone? was it just interpretation of the current state of things? or was it just manifestation of fears? i told myself about a week ago that if i still wanted to talk to her (something which only recently i wanted to do) in a week, which would be tomorrow i think, that i'd do it. i might still, or is it not a good idea? the thing that sucked about the dream is it put me back emotionally (in my dream, not now that i'm awake) a few years ago, feeling that loss again. i guess things like that never stop hurting, but they get put in a good place. this thing just got pulled out of that place for a few minutes during my dream.

i really need to try and go back to sleep.

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