it just hit me.

before i do the math, i can't remember whether i'm 28 or 29.

9/2/76....so i'm 28 still.


well that's good.

sounddoc

no, it's just the coldness of significant lonliness - i dreamt this line a few weeks ago.

i'm awake now because of a dream that i had, about jessie. i was getting out of a club with a few drunk friends, and we were going to a restaurant to eat. i got there and went to the bathroom, which had a shower stall in it. i ran into jessie in the bathroom, and i asked if we could start being friends again. she said no, and so i was like, well since this is the last time we ever talk again, i had a few things to say to her. i don't remember what exactly that was, or what it would have been, but i was like, so yeah, sit and listen. we actually had a nice talk, talking about how you need to take things slow, casual dating is better than what we did, and the like. i told her about becky, and that we were moving in together. after a few minutes she moved into the shower, and i was going on about something. i said, '...you know?' and got no reply, so i openedd the shower stall, and she was gone. i guess there's a few ways to interpret this dream. was i making peace with myself? telling myself that she's gone? was it just interpretation of the current state of things? or was it just manifestation of fears? i told myself about a week ago that if i still wanted to talk to her (something which only recently i wanted to do) in a week, which would be tomorrow i think, that i'd do it. i might still, or is it not a good idea? the thing that sucked about the dream is it put me back emotionally (in my dream, not now that i'm awake) a few years ago, feeling that loss again. i guess things like that never stop hurting, but they get put in a good place. this thing just got pulled out of that place for a few minutes during my dream.

i really need to try and go back to sleep.

sounddoc

i just finished Jimmy Corrigan, the Smartest Kid on Earth and i'm really into it. Chris Ware's artwork and story line, as personal as it is, leaks a lot into my own life - mostly the idea of a distant father, the inner dialog and things that the hero of the story recognizes that other's dont. the montage including the tape recorder - where the main character records birds chirping and planes flying overhead - the tape recorder becoming an instrument of freedom in a way. but then he manages to record a couple walking by, where the female is telling her male counterpart how she's falling in love with him. we next see Jimmy in his room playing back the girl's words lovingly and sadly. Ware's representation of Jimmy's grandfather in turn of the century Chicago even made some correlations between his thought process and my own. this is best displayed here. the way that lonely summer mornings pass when you are a kid. also, his cruel love interest brought back memories of my own childhood crushes, teaching me at an early age how cruel females could be. i need to find more of his stuff.

sounddoc