i got back on sunday night. during the day the whole family went down to virginia beach, and walked along the boardwalk. i never really feel like i fit in in public when i'm with my parents. i always feel i'm a little off, or weird, and not in the good way that i enjoyed for so many years. the general people were hot girls, (not enough) big muscle guys (aren't there always too many) old people, and trashy people. it's so horrible to be smart sometimes. they all look so content to not notice the military jets flying out of oceana, all the gas the jets were consuming, all the advertising that was surrounding us, the sweatshop clothes, the rampant meat consumption, consume consume consume. that's all it was. i bet that beach was beautiful 150 years ago, or even 400 years ago, before us white folk came and colonised it and fucked it up. it's horrible to be smart. i think i'm missing out on all the fun.

i'm looking forward to driving without A/C -sweating my testicles off. it's socially conscious sweat. the sweat that exists because i refuse to use my a/c. it's not quite as satisfying as the sweat that i get from rising my bike, but fuck it, i'll take it either way. cassie was fighting to stay awake in the car on the way back from the beach. she is adorable. my one year old niece. i can't wait to watch her grow up. she will outlive me. that's frightening in a way, as much as it makes logical sense. i wanted to smoke so bad that day.

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